Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
