I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We need to rekindle our bromance
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
