If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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