I'm really into asian looking animals
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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