i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
