The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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