So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
