Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I know her cup size but not her name....
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