I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
try to milk me bitch
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