But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize