i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
