Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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