I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
