oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
