he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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