His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
