once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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