When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
