omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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