I just threw up on my dentist
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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