So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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