marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
