I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
