operation have a gay friend backfired
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize