my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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