he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
