So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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