just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
