Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
