I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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