I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
