omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
