What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
