Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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