ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
