just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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