Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
