six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
