I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
