Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
