No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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