Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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