hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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