I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
