Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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