Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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