I wanna bring you to show and tell
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize