after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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