my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize