I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
