oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize