and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
