He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
