oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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