Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
