Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we made out on top of his cat.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
