giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
