his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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