i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
