I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
