hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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