Don't you send me to vm
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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