im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm too high and old for this...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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