Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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