Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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