So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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