I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
