You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You left your phone here
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