Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
