two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
