Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
