he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
